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about 1000 days of daring greatly

"1000 days of Daring Greatly" is a personal project by Yummii

The project is based on the book; "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown

For 1000 days, Yummii has set out to take action and be in the arena of her life. She is to discover the realm of Daring Greatly.

Her journey is about discovering courage, vulnerability, and ultimately, mastering the art of living wholeheartedly - and being wholehearted.

« Day 288: Daring to be brave | Main | Day 286: Daring to let go »
Monday
Feb202017

Day 287: Daring to choose love

Nothing highlights a couple's insecurities, fears, and differences like having a baby.

I believe our children are our teachers. They present to us the lessons that are needed to grow and connect to our true self - our higher self.

They present to us the opportunity to learn what it takes to live from love. To choose love. No matter what.

Our higher self is that part within us that flows. The part that is filled with grace. It is the self that only knows love - and only sees love. 

When circumstances are great, tapping into our higher self is filled with delight.

When circumstances aren't so great, tapping into the higher self takes courage. Nothing in my being wants to relinquish the control and surrender - My flight and fight mode is engaged.

John and I had a disagreement on a particular circumstance with Avery.

Before Avery was born, I promised him that I would give him the space to be the father that he wants to be and have fatherhood be his own expression.

Lately, this has proved challenging. I notice how I want him to do things "my" way. I have been judgmental and dominating. I broke my promise.

Having Avery in our lives has highlighted the differences in our thinking and how this can cause conflict. Prior to Avery, we embraced and celebrated our differences. Currently, the impact of the differences causes a disconnection. We feel challenged and confronted. We both feel unseen, unheard, and therefore, unloved. 

We defend and justify our point of view rather than listening from love. 

Yesterday we had a disagreement - for the first time, we couldn't resolve it. We couldn't meet in the middle. We weren't listening to each other and it was upsetting as it was confronting. 

I have been hardwired to retreat and build a wall when I feel confronted.

It is a passive form of domination. An aggressive, passive form of domination.

A pattern that I thought I had conquered.

A familiar yet distant feeling, and I know the destruction it can cause. This was the first time in our relationship that I went to this space. A space that I promised myself that I would never go to with John. I was disappointed in myself. It was drinking the poison wanting the other person to die. 

John would attempt to reach out and connect, I dominated by not responding. The hold of domination is intoxicating - yet I know I'm hurting myself.

He tried to reach out again.

The ego part of my being wanted to continue to dominate.

I looked up at our vision board for this year. Right in the middle in large bold black letters is the word "LOVE".

I needed clarity. I needed to shake myself out of this mode. I asked myself, "What would love do?". 

Love would be for me to respond. Love would say "sorry". Love would reach out and connect. Love would know that we are both doing the best we can with what we know. Love would be understanding and compassionate. 

Love would allow me to see the wholeness of the circumstance and find a way to connect.

My mind wanted to soak in the safety of domination and fear; my heart wanted to be guided by Love. I stood up, went to John, apologised.

I chose Love.

The wholehearted are guided by Love. I am learning.

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